Friend Dates

A few months ago I was with some friends of mine who I don't get to see very often because we either don't live near each other or our work schedules are completely different. I have been friends with these girls for years and so getting together never has the awkward, "Oh, I really HAVEN'T seen you in awhile" moment. It's as if we pick right up where we left off.

As we were chatting we were talking about how we don't really know how to make new friends anymore. (I mean we dooooo but) It seems like just as much work as dating. In fact, making new friends at this stage of life IS like dating. It's probably harder than dating because at least with dating you can say that you don't really see things clicking, whereas with a trial run with a new friend, you are just the jerk who just doesn't want to hang out anymore.

It's like you have have to go on a "date" to see if you really want to hang out with them. Neither one of you calls it a date or acts like it is a date but you pick a small activity, one you both have an interest in, and you go and do it together and hope that you still find the person interesting and fun to be around by the end of the hang out. And if you don't want to hang out with them after, unlike dating, it is more awkward "breaking up" with them than with someone you have been on a few dates with.

I love those friendships where you can be completely yourself, you can be silent and not feel awkward, you can run basic errands together, you know you can call that person for a new activity and they won't shut you down even if it is out of their comfort zone. Friend dating is hard to get to this level. I rather just spend some quiet introvert time alone and then have a few meaningful friend nights with the people who fall into the category of this list, than spend and entire year trying to make new friends that never really stick.

I feel like it takes work, commitment, time and years to reach a true level of friendship. Maybe that is why it is so easy to enjoy the lasting friendships I already have, even if I don't see them on a daily basis, because there really isn't time in life to create something similar at this stage in life.

Man... it's a problem. Friend dating... phew!

Though this may be a problem for the rest of my adult life. When I get married I will have to go on friend dates with other wives. And then when I have kids I will not only have to go on "mommy-dates" with other moms, I will also have to go on "play dates" to make sure their kids aren't going to use my kid as a punching bag.

I'm figuring when I am old and retired I will just hang out with my husband and maybe some of our close couple friends but then when my husband dies I may have to start the whole "friend-dating" thing again. Good thing my friends and I have a plan for when all of our husbands die. Let's just say we'll be the cool kids on the block (slash, crazy old ladies who have to much fun).

Good times in the friend dating world. Overall, this concept was a big laugh to all of us when we recognized all of the similarities of trying to make new friends these days with dating.

(I do have one exception to all of this: I do think it is still possible to create lasting friendships through co-workers and people you have to see on a daily basis but that is because the time is being spent together while at work and there is time to build the friendship. But outside of work... we sadly don't have the time we used to have when we were wee-little ones.)

Not Your "Normal" 26-Year-Old... I guess

First Half of Post: Marriage - Second Half of Post: Life Progress

In the past year or so I've noticed on blogs and facebook the "older" single crowd is starting to speak up a little more. (Haha or maybe it's because everyone I follow and am friends with on Facebook is my same age and so the probability of these posts is going up) Not in a contentious type of way but just a way of saying, "Hey, these are my own thoughts on my situation... it's not so bad." These were two blogs/articles that I found that I liked what they wrote and I've just added my own thoughts and opinions along with them.

I have been very blessed to have close friends and close family members in my life who love me for who I am I don't treat me as if I am "broken" or incomplete because I am not married; I never have to feel ashamed when I am with them because I know they love me no matter what.

The Older YSA Crowd

3. I love weddings! Especially when it is a wedding for a close friend or family member. Never have I ever been jelous or bitter when celebrating their bliss. I love seeing someone I care about making a life step that makes them so happy. I mean how immature to be bitter just because someone else is happy.

I love getting together with people I love at weddings; catching up and swapping fun stories about the happy couple. Oh and dancing! I love dancing, so when there is dancing at a wedding I go from "happy-camper" status to "cloud nine."

My younger brother got married last summer... gasp! I know! How on Earth... Is Amy Ok? (sad head tilt) Last I checked I'm not dying or even ill... so umm.. I'm great... In fact I was so excited for my brother I wasn't even thinking about me... that was until people kept asking me or family members if I was ok with the situation... but then I would forget them and continue being super excited for my brother's wedding.

4. Haha, yeah... no need to pity me.

5. Sometimes with those pity parties from other people you do start to question your self worth. I think she says here is perfect, "If a guy isn't interested in us, it's OKAY. God is. And in my eyes, knowing that and reflecting that knowledge in our daily living is what makes a person truly attractive."

8. The first time I had someone say to me, "Don't worry, you're turn will come too!" I was 20... TWENTY-years-old. Haha umm, thanks, I know. (Can't imagine what they must think of me now)

9. "I rather be happily single than miserably married." Amen! Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to one day be married and sharing life with my best friend, my partner in crime, etc. But I'm not just going to settle for Joe-Shmoe because everyone is making me feel like if I don't jump on the train now I'll miss it completely.

This second article is an article that, not only was relatable, but was also a good life reminder for its outlook. Constantly I find myself stressing about what I'm doing next and why I'm not where I feel I'm supposed to be but the thing is, why am I stressing about what is next all that time? Shouldn't I be enjoying the "now" and learning from the "now?" What's the rush to completely growing up? I've got YEARS to be grown up.. Yes, of course, making goals is important and we should always be working towards moving along, but we shouldn't be stressing over it... I shouldn't be stressing over it!

I like that this article reminds me to also be considerate when I am talking to people and not asking what is next all the time but asking about what they are doing with their life right now.

Ask What I'm Doing Now
and The After Math of "26 Unmarried and Childless"

What I find so interesting about these articles is that the first one spoke out to many single people; her article went viral (on noss speed) with the single crowd. BUT what the second article explains, the first article wasn't meant entirely for the "single" crowd. The first article was about a friend of her's with infertility problems, another who had lost a job, etc.

P.S. you should check out the author of these two articles... she's HILLARIOUS! MandieMarie

Closing thoughts: Well, I'm 26 and even though I have my downs of thinking I am behind in life or in a rut, I also remember that I am still me and I live a pretty interesting and filled life and I wouldn't trade it. I also have great family and friends to share my life moments with; I am not alone. And yes I want to be married and start that life chapter but I am also not going to sit around doing nothing until that day comes. I'm going to keep going on adventures and learning and growing and being me.

Blogs... they're kind of funny

The other day I was thinking about a post I wanted to write  for my blog but then I thought, "Maybe that is too personal to publicly write about" and then I started to think about blogs. They can be a digital journal. Of course not ALL blogs are journals; some are purely informative, retail, a place for married people (who are too cool for Facebook) to post, advertisement, recipes, etc. But I use mine as a journal of random thoughts that I force the 3, maybe 4, of you to read. (Haha, Thanks)

When we were younger we all used to lock up all our secrets in our "diaries" now we blog about it. We tell the world. So my thought is, where do we draw the line of sharing and not sharing? Sometimes maybe we're too secretive and we need to share the hard things as much as the good things so that everyone knows that we are just human. Maybe someone else needs to read about the hard things to know that they are not alone in what they are going through too. But then again, sometimes it gets old hearing people's sob stories. I don't know, I guess a happy variety is always good... leaning on the the side of more positive posts.

One great thing about blogs is that is a great way to stay connected with friends who are not in the same state as I am. I love hearing about their little daily activities, their full stories, seeing their pictures, etc. Of course this does not beat getting to see them in person but it helps to get to enjoy the things that they wouldn't have time to fully share in a phone conversation.

The type of blogs I enjoy are the ones that make me laugh, inspire me to think outside the box or be more creative, and the ones that are written by friends and family.

Anyways... cheers to blogs and their funny-ness.