Friend Dates

A few months ago I was with some friends of mine who I don't get to see very often because we either don't live near each other or our work schedules are completely different. I have been friends with these girls for years and so getting together never has the awkward, "Oh, I really HAVEN'T seen you in awhile" moment. It's as if we pick right up where we left off.

As we were chatting we were talking about how we don't really know how to make new friends anymore. (I mean we dooooo but) It seems like just as much work as dating. In fact, making new friends at this stage of life IS like dating. It's probably harder than dating because at least with dating you can say that you don't really see things clicking, whereas with a trial run with a new friend, you are just the jerk who just doesn't want to hang out anymore.

It's like you have have to go on a "date" to see if you really want to hang out with them. Neither one of you calls it a date or acts like it is a date but you pick a small activity, one you both have an interest in, and you go and do it together and hope that you still find the person interesting and fun to be around by the end of the hang out. And if you don't want to hang out with them after, unlike dating, it is more awkward "breaking up" with them than with someone you have been on a few dates with.

I love those friendships where you can be completely yourself, you can be silent and not feel awkward, you can run basic errands together, you know you can call that person for a new activity and they won't shut you down even if it is out of their comfort zone. Friend dating is hard to get to this level. I rather just spend some quiet introvert time alone and then have a few meaningful friend nights with the people who fall into the category of this list, than spend and entire year trying to make new friends that never really stick.

I feel like it takes work, commitment, time and years to reach a true level of friendship. Maybe that is why it is so easy to enjoy the lasting friendships I already have, even if I don't see them on a daily basis, because there really isn't time in life to create something similar at this stage in life.

Man... it's a problem. Friend dating... phew!

Though this may be a problem for the rest of my adult life. When I get married I will have to go on friend dates with other wives. And then when I have kids I will not only have to go on "mommy-dates" with other moms, I will also have to go on "play dates" to make sure their kids aren't going to use my kid as a punching bag.

I'm figuring when I am old and retired I will just hang out with my husband and maybe some of our close couple friends but then when my husband dies I may have to start the whole "friend-dating" thing again. Good thing my friends and I have a plan for when all of our husbands die. Let's just say we'll be the cool kids on the block (slash, crazy old ladies who have to much fun).

Good times in the friend dating world. Overall, this concept was a big laugh to all of us when we recognized all of the similarities of trying to make new friends these days with dating.

(I do have one exception to all of this: I do think it is still possible to create lasting friendships through co-workers and people you have to see on a daily basis but that is because the time is being spent together while at work and there is time to build the friendship. But outside of work... we sadly don't have the time we used to have when we were wee-little ones.)