2014! You've already come and gone?!

Disclaimer
This post is more honest than usual and so it probably will sound like I am super depressed but I am not, I am just fine. I just thought I might show a little of "I'm human and not perfect." I truly am so blessed in my life and have so much to be grateful for... which I am grateful for those blessings.

Review
2014 was not my finest or proudest year. I cried a lot this year, oh man a lot. I complained a lot this year. I doubted myself a lot this year. I lost a lot of confidence this year. My job requires a lot of over time to keep things functioning and to run a good and respectable program; with that came with a lot of nights of limited sleep, quick snarffing meals at my desk, cutting out working out, random to few social interactions with people outside of my job, turning down big church callings, and the list runs on. My life was my job this year; for better and for worse. I felt selfish this year as I got lonely and kept thinking about all the little every day to day things I never got to do because there wasn't time.

But with the bad there was some incredible "goods" this year. I worked harder than I have ever worked. I got small glimpses of what it will be like to be a mom being the boss of 42 student workers and even though it can be hard and frustrating, it was also extremely rewarding to help/watch them overcome small to big challenges and even more when they couldn't wait to share the experience with me. Even more was getting to learn from each of them, laugh with them, and even though they were my 42 employees I love them as if they were my own. I wouldn't trade the opportunity to be a mom some day for anything else.

I decided to go 100 days without Facebook over the summer and I absolutely loved it. It was almost refreshing not to read on a daily basis what people were eating for breakfast, what was the next thing to complain about or even just what everyone else was up to in their lives. I even missed the whole ice water bucket challenge and so glad I did. It was also nice to fill my time with other things. The only thing I missed was maybe learning about big events in other's lives but for the ones that truly mattered I found out in other ways. I think I am going to do this again this year!

My parents had to put our dog Jessie down. She was getting so old (15-years-old); blind, deaf and she was starting to look like she was in so much pain. It was time, she needed to be put down but that didn't make it any less sad. I'm missing her a lot and am SO puppy/dog hungry.

As independent I try to be I was so grateful for my close friends and family this year. Whenever I was about to give up or just needed a little boost I always seemed to get a funny or encouraging text, a thoughtful letter, a casual quick phone call or even a surprise visit. I'm grateful for these people in my life who always remind me to be better.

Travels
I did actually get some traveling in this year and I am so grateful for it; I think it was my escape. These were incredible trips and they were each much needed. It was hard to get excited for my trips because I would have to work up to the very last minute before I left and even more over-time than usual but it was worth the work because I needed the break and it seemed that going far away was the only way I could get a break.
North Carolina with friends

Camping in the Uintahs with my Family

Victoria with my mom

Italy with friends

Favorite Moments of This Year

• Being the boss of all of these incredible people (though I often forgot I was their boss because they are my friends/family):

• Really just the little simple moments of laughter and closeness when being home with my family; I sure love them and am so grateful I have a close family
• Dancing on a beach under the stars in North Carolina
• Finding out that when I am presenting I say, "with that" a lot when I am tying two thoughts together. My staff noticed it this summer and started to take a drink out of their water bottles every time I said "with that" while presenting to students and their parents (Ha, at least it wasn't "umm" or "like.").

Most Visited Blog Posts this Year
Friend Dates
The Realities of an Average Snowboarder
Blogs... They're Kind of Funny
The "Just Like Heaven" Debate
Do we still wonder?

Lessons Learned... I think...
Living an unbalanced life is unhealthy... dur.

I have to keep reminding myself that I need to keep my focus in the right place and remember my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ should be my focus and it won't always make things better but it sure will keep you strong and watched out for.

I need to stop worrying about what I should be doing and wondering if I am being a failure and just have faith that doing my best and keeping my focus in the right place is what is important and things will work out, even if it is not in the way I expect it to.

I need to stop being a perfectionist! Oh my gosh yes! I need to stop worrying about what others think and just be ok being me; no... love being me. I used to be good at this but I had to work hard at it and I think I stopped working hard and went back to worrying about who I was keeping happy and impressing. You know what? Who the heck cares; I'm going to be me and you better like it or hit the highway!

Wrap up
Again this year was hard and I could have had a 200 times better attitude (but that is the beauty of starting a new year: I can try to be better) but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

This next year I want to find time to be a little selfish but I also want to find more time to serve others as well.